This is a timely topic for me because I can feel the effects of being stressed out, anxious, and not taking time for self-care and not making myself a priority. I’ve been dealing with headaches on the verge of migraines really often lately as well as eye twitches, poor sleep, and general low energy and low motivation. I tend to be a hard-core denier so it takes a long time (aka once things are really bad) for me to finally fess up and express to myself that I might be stressed out.
For some background: My husband started a new job a few months ago, and overall it’s an incredible opportunity for us and we’ve already reaped a ton of the benefits that made it worthwhile – however, he happens to be working for the same company I do and I think the super close connection makes it even harder for me to let go and let him figure things out; I know all the ins and outs already and just want to help him any chance I get. And our way of life also hinges on him doing well and meeting the performance numbers they’ve allocated for him. This is my controlling self coming out and rearing it’s ugly head major time. And also letting my empathic self take over and feed on my husband’s stress and anxiety, because he’s naturally trying to settle into a new position.
actions
I’ve been fighting myself with how to handle all of this lately. I’ve been struggling to take time to ground myself and re-center. And I’ve actually been struggling with finding actions that help me align and flow with my natural routines. I tried yoga a few times which I really enjoyed, but then it became this class I needed to schedule into my weeks and make myself go, versus a soothing experience that I looked forward to. Although I enjoyed both the mild exercise and the calm environment, I didn’t feel like it refreshed me as much as I needed to. I do take baths from time to time and they are definitely nice, however it takes a bit of work to get the bath prepared and so then it can be hard to wind down and relax for me. Honestly I have a hard time sitting still doing nothing now that I’m writing about these things – this is probably a really great challenge that I need make a priority, starting to practice mediation is probably going to be on the books for me to try. Do you have any recommendations for a meditation app or general tips?
One thought I have is that I need to dedicate time to read each night. Put away all my electronics, cozy up in bed, and read for an hour. That is one thing that I find solace in, I know it calms me down and it helps me feel grounded. Now I just need to get myself to commit to it, and hold myself accountable. Even alone time in general gives me a similar effect. But finding alone time is hard and I struggle to separate myself from my husband in the evenings after work because I want to spend time with him and talk to him about our day, and similarly on the weekends, especially when my step-daughter is with us. I also tend to give myself a hard time needing to make every minute of every day “productive.” Alone-time or spending time resting automatically feels like I’m wasting time and that I need to feel ashamed for not checking off my to-do list.
blogging
I’m writing this post partially to confront the things that I’ve been avoiding lately, I’m a huge denier when it comes to stress and anxiety, like I said earlier, so I tend to operate over it for as long as possible before finally addressing it. (Even just writing out this post has helped bring some of these things to the surface for me so that I can start to accept them and work on them. I do think that accepting the problem truly is the first step to healing.) I’m also writing this to put out there that as we all know an Instagram feed can be really misleading and doesn’t necessarily represent every side of ourselves. I have an incredible life that I am very appreciative and fortunate to have and I also have struggles and things that I am trying to work on. I strive to live a life of honestly and transparency and so this is an opportunity for me to share some of my struggles so that you might find you’re not alone!
asking for help
Speaking of working on all these items the one major thing I’ve decided to do is start working with a life coach again – I’m asking for help with all of this. I worked with a life coach a couple years ago and it was really helpful. You can think of a life coach kind of like a therapist, the biggest difference is that a coach is more concerned with helping you achieve a personal goal and coaching you along the way to get there. My interpretation of a therapist is it’s a much more unstructured place to voice your thoughts and get general feedback. So I’m going to be doing a 30 minute session every other week to start and then I may transition to 1 hour once a month. And she is going to help me work through some of the things I’ve mentioned here as well as other things that surface as we get going. If you’re interested in who I’m going to be working with her name is Lisa and you can find her information at MysticManta.com. She’s an amazing lady and has a wide array of talents.
If you ever want to talk about life coaching or working through anything that you’ve got going on feel free to reach out – I’m always open to talking, that’s what we’re all here for! Self-care is such an important thing to keep top of mind, and although there are so many more voices out there for it, there is still a lot of work to be done to make it this natural and “normal” thing that we let each other do without guilt (because I don’t know for sure about you, I still struggle with guilt when I want time to be a little selfish). Let’s support each other!
