General Soul Searching

Update: Stress, Anxiety, and Self Care

     You may have read my post a couple weeks back about my struggle with stress and self-care lately. I think we can all relate that there never seems to be enough time, to-do lists are never-ending, and stress levels are at an all time high. I find it really hard to express when I’m stressed, and honestly to even admit it to myself. I finally had a small breakthrough when I wrote that blog post, partially because physically writing it out made me face it head on, and partially because it helped me work through some ways that I could bring some balance back into my life.

     So here’s my update on how things are going – and yes things have gotten better. Like I said, just writing out that post helped a ton on its own. I think one of the hardest things to do is admit you have a problem – no matter how big or small. I know it’s definitely the hardest step for me. Once I had admitted to myself that I was clearly, anxious, stressed, and not really taking care of myself, it made it a lot easier to start looking at things I could do keep myself healthy emotionally and physically. 

    One thing I did and I think I will continue to do is get periodic massages. I’ve only recently been introduced to the magic of having someone rub you down for sixty minutes and I can completely understand why it’s a popular staple in many people’s lives. It’s incredibly relaxing physically to have someone working out muscle tension, not to mention the general feel-good-ness of oil being worked into your skin. And it’s also incredibly relaxing mentally. You’re being forced to lay still for sixty-plus minutes in a quiet room with soothing music and I love challenging myself to truly empty my mind and mediate during this time. I think that’s one thing I’ve discovered for myself, I really have to have dedicated time and space for any type of relaxation, I can’t make it happen effectively at home – or at least I haven’t found a way to do it yet.

     In addition to that I’ve been a lot more mindful of saying ‘no.’ I’m notorious for over-exerting myself in terms of helping everyone and always saying yes when being asked to do something. I’m finally starting to get comfortable with saying no sometimes, although it’s still really hard and definitely a work in progress. For example, right now I work full time and then also tutor math on the side. For almost 4 years now I’ve been tutoring the same girl and working with her family exclusively. This past year her older sister, who is in high school, started struggling and needed some extra help so I also tutored her off and on. And then I was introduced to a family that is friends with my step-daughter and they have a middle-school aged girl that was struggling with math and falling way behind and so I agreed to start tutoring her as well. All said and done there were some weeks where I was tutoring all three girls after work, so that was three evenings where I was going from the office to tutor and then not getting home until about 7:00. For me – that was a lot. It really started to take a toll on me, and luckily things worked out so I very rarely tutor all three, and typically only tutor one or two evenings a week. And I’m getting more bold about asking for weeks off when I need the time, and honoring my own schedule and not bending over backwards to fit theirs. I’m also being a lot more diligent about keeping my weekends free and not scheduling my entire weekend up with events, get-togethers, etc. I used to feel like I needed to schedule to see my friends and parents and family friends every weekend that I had time and I’d end up with an entire weekend running around with no time at home to relax and do something for me. I’m really learning to love my time at home on the weekends with no plans!

     What I’m most excited to share with you about is my first session with my life coach, Lisa. We met for an hour last week and it made a HUGE difference. Talking to her made me feel so much more centered, grounded, like I had some control and have a plan. It’s definitely similar to therapy, although I’ve never seen a therapist before, I believe the biggest difference being that a life coach is working with you holistically to make you an overall better person and help you find joy in every aspect of your life versus in addition to working on specific issues. Some of the biggest things I’m going to be working on with her is managing my self-care, dedicating time to spend with myself, holding myself accountable to commitments I make with myself, deepening my relationship with my husband, and finding more ways to bring joy into my every day life. My homework for the next time I see her is to make a list of everything that sounds fun, especially things that might be outside of my comfort zone, and then a second more specific list about activities that really fill up my soul and make me happy. I’ve started working on these lists, and what’s interesting is all these things that I enjoy doing I don’t ever do. I’m not making time for them – pretty clear wake up call.

     There are definitely still some struggles I’m working on, I’m not feeling nearly as stressed overall, my headaches stopped quite a while ago, but there is still a layer of anxiety. And I think that’s going to be a reality until my husband and I finally feel settled. One aspect of that, like I mentioned in my post before, is that he’s working this new job and it’s going to take some time to get a good foundation established. The other aspect is that we’re currently living in an apartment because we sold our house earlier this year while the housing market was doing great, but didn’t find anything we wanted to buy right away and 10 months into apartment-living we’re definitely itching to get a house again and settle down. We’re always looking but the right house hasn’t found us yet.

     I still haven’t made reading a routine, I’m working on how to make it a priority; I have been taking more baths lately however I still don’t notice much like a better night’s sleep or anything; and I’m trying to figure out meditation or yoga and how to work those in periodically as well. I did restart the Soul Coaching journey by Denise Linn (who trained my life coach, Lisa) and that’s been really nice. Basically each morning I sit down for 10 minutes and read what that day has in store for me, there’s always a message, a mantra, and a challenge. I’m holding myself accountable for finishing the entire 28-day journey this time (last time, earlier this year, I crapped out around day 15).

     Overall I’m doing better, I love being more aware of what affects me so I can pay attention to it and hopefully help remedy it. There are still lots of things I would like to work on, and lots of options for helping to improve my stress levels and well-being and I’m just going to keep trying different things until I find what works for me. I believe this is not something I need to “cure” but instead an on-going evaluation of myself and learning about how to do what’s best for me.

     As always if you have any recommendations, insights, or questions please send me a message! We’re definitely not alone and supporting each other is what we’re all here for!

2 thoughts on “Update: Stress, Anxiety, and Self Care”

  1. Not being able to say no is also something I struggle with. Those lists sound such an enlightening experience. I think I will also make those two to understand myself better. Sending you good vibes.

    1. I think they definitely help! I’d love to hear how it goes and if it makes an impact for you! Thank you for the vibes, I think sometimes it’s just nice to know we’re not alone and we all have struggles <3

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